Have you noticed that when you visit a church, you tend to know how you feel about it quite quickly? By the time the service starts you already have an opinion. There is so much that can be discerned from the first 20 minutes of encountering a church community.
How children and families encounter the first 20 minutes of any event or service tends to significantly inform their opinion of whether to return and how much they choose to proactivity participate. Twenty minutes into this visit, my son was ready to permanently jump in. He hadn’t even been to the children’s group yet, but he was already sure that this church was a place he wanted to stay.
It is so easy to forget that when families visit our church, how we welcome them and integrate them into the community is just as important to children as it is to the adults. Sometimes we can be so focused on ensuring that a child feels welcomed and integrated into the children’s groups, we forget that they have already had a significant experience about the church as a whole. By making their welcome experience all about our children’s groups, we are unintentionally saying to children, ‘Your place is in here, but not out there’. It will look different for every church, what did this particular church do that made my six-year-old campaign week after week to make this church our permanent church?
Firstly, as soon as we walked in, we saw smiling people in kids’ team T-shirts who instantly greeted my child first, and then me, before returning to have a chat with my son. By the time we were escorted to our seats, the leaders were calling him by name and he knew theirs. By the time the service started, he already felt known, accepted and loved.
Sometimes we can be so focused on ensuring that a child feels welcomed into the children’s groups, we forget that they have already had a significant experience of the church as a whole
Secondly, before we headed into the main room, we were swept to a table with another kids’ team member who took our details. I dutifully filled out the form while the kids’ leader explained to my son all about the kids group; how many children will probably be there, and a running order of what they do. By the time we walked into the main room of the church, my son already felt confident of what his morning was going to look like.
Thirdly, everyone who greeted him knelt on the ground to be eye-level with him. The church leaders knelt when they chatted with him. Other parents sat down to see him at eye level. I was so struck that the general congregation had created a culture of welcoming children on their physical level. My son never felt small or overlooked by adults.
Fourthly, we were sat with families who had similar age children to our own – it felt strange to have the welcome team say, ‘Let me help you find a seat’, but they led us straight to a family who had children our son’s age and introduced us. Even while the music was beginning, that family was whispering a welcome to us and helping the children meet. When the children were dismissed to their groups, I, as a parent, had a family to follow, and my son already had a friend to play with who he knew.
Finally, they had fruit available before the service – I’m not saying we have to do this, I’m just saying that for some reason that made my child feel super welcome. I think it was that nothing was held back. The church wasn’t saying, ‘No biscuits or fruit until after!’ It was more of a feeling of, ‘If you are hungry, we got you covered.’ Seriously. It made an impact. That could just be my son’s particular love language, but it was important to him.
He had a great time that morning. He met with God in the children’s group and played after church. But he was sold on the church before he even got there. I don’t believe that how this church did their welcome is a formula for all churches to follow. But there was something in their proactive welcome of my shy child that transformed a simple church visit into an invitation into community that radically impacted my son. I think if we all could turn our faces to how children and their families are loved from the moment they walk in, we would see a significant shift in how our visiting families feel welcomed into our church community and encounter God.
Rachel Turner is author of Parenting children for a life of purpose, Parenting children for a life of faith and Parenting children for a life of confidence
