After ten years on the air, The Apprentice has returned to our screens. Very little has changed – Lord Sugar remains (though his title has been upgraded), the challenges are simple from the comfort of the sofa and the contestants remain as pompous and deluded as ever.
THE APPRENTICE IS LIKE A BUSINESS VERSION OF THE HUNGER GAMES: TOSS A LOAD OF DESPERATE INDIVIDUALS INTO A HOUSE, WITH ONLY ONE COMING OUT WITH A JOB WHILE THE REST MAKE THEMSELVES UNEMPLOYABLE
A quick précis for those who have managed to avoid the phenomena: every year Alan Sugar gathers some of the ‘best, brightest and most driven’ business people in the country to fight it out to become his next apprentice, or business partner, or personal assistant (no one is really sure what the winner actually does). It’s ‘dog eat dog’, it’s ‘every man for himself,’ it’s ‘mano e mano’ – more importantly it’s a load of nonsense, but pretty hilarious viewing.
The junior version of the show is terrifying - hide-behind-the-sofa, Treehouse of Horror, terrifying. It’s a peek into a dystopian future where the bad guys win and no one cares about anything except money and prestige. (I realise this sounds a bit like Made in Chelsea.) To see teenagers willing to trample over each other in pursuit of a quick buck is heart-breaking. Worse than that, the show puts these guys on pedestals – a shining example to the ‘slovenly’ young people that the media would have us believe all teenagers are.
In the midst of high (and seemingly always rising) levels of youth unemployment, watching a bunch of young people (in the junior version) ‘fight’ it out for one job that will ‘sort out their every problem’ is pretty unedifying. To that extent, both the junior and adult versions become a business version of The Hunger Games: toss a load of desperate individuals into a house, with only one coming out with a job while the rest of them die (or make such fools of themselves on television that they are subsequently unemployable).
THE CONTESTANTS IN CRINGE
Every year you can count on The Apprentice to provide some glorious foot in mouth moments, and this year is no different. Here are some highlights:
BIANCA: ‘I regret not becoming a scientist so I could clone myself and be more successful in half the time.’ If she cloned herself she’d spend a lot of time looking after the new her, so may get even less done.
SCOTT: ‘I see myself as a mixture of Ghandi and the Wolf of Wall Street.’ A mixture of Ghandi and Wolf from Gladiators would be better.
KATIE: ‘In business I’m like a little stealth bomber that flies under the radar and smashes the competition before they’ve even realised I’m here.’ Does she understand what business is? It’s not war.
DANIEL: ‘There’s no I in team, but there are five in individual brilliance.’ True, but there are also four in massively ill-informed ignoramus.
Perhaps the real lie of The Apprentice isn’t that money makes you happy, but that the ‘right’ job will bring you fulfilment. We hear this spun out in countless subtle ways: when you get married, you’ll be complete; when you get that job, you’ll become the person you were meant to be; when you become a long-term missionary, your relationship with God will be sorted. Think about how often this narrative is on TV: desperate people willing to humiliate themselves to find their ‘perfect’ partner (Take Me Out), or the individuals looking for their ‘one shot’ at fame, glory, and subsequent happiness. How many times has the carefully constructed narrative arc of an X Factor been about the show ‘saving’ an individual from a menial job (working at a supermarket) and how their life is now ‘transformed’? Fame and television offers all the answers, but no long-lasting solutions.
Fifty years ago children were told that a good job and stable marriage were the things to aim for – this was where fulfilment was found. This no longer rings true in our post-modern, austerity-focused society. If there aren’t enough jobs to go round, does that mean some are doomed to a lack of fulfilment? If half of marriages fail, is happiness a pipe dream? Jesus never talked about economic fulfilment. He answered questions about taxes by pulling a coin out of a fish – what kind of viable economic future is based on generous sea life? Young people need a new view of fulfilment – your job isn’t going to make everything hunky dory and your marriage won’t sort out all your character flaws.
We need to point the young people we work with towards something deeper, something bigger. For some young people this will mean allowing them to become secure in who they are, offering safe places to develop and mature into their adult selves. In our Christian contexts we point to Christ as the one who offers that – not in a ‘once I follow Jesus everything will be fine,’ way, but in a ‘my hope is in something much bigger and securer than anything the world can offer’ kind of way. A results-based view of fulfilment is doomed to fail. Fortunately, the gospel is more ‘Well done, good and faithful servant,’ than ‘You’re fired.’
