Every four years the world grinds of a halt, youth groups are rearranged, and grown men failing to score from 12 yards causes floods of tears. Ladies and gentlemen , it’s a World Cup summer. So for those of you savvy enough to realise the cultural significance of 32 teams of 11 men running around a field, here are Brazil-bound Jamie Cutteridge's top tips to make the most of the football extravaganza.
1. Be Social
By the time the tournament starts just about everyone will have talked themselves into thinking England have a chance of being vaguely successful. And yes, some of their games may clash with your perfectly-planned youth sessions. Here’s a heads-up: England definitely has games on the evenings of Thursday (19/6) and Tuesday (24/6). Get those in your diary now, get the barbeque started and invite the whole town to watch England’s ignoble failure together.
2. Tenuous illustrations
Football. It’s a game, but also so relevant for our whole lives. June is the perfect month to cram tenuous football illustrations into everything you do. Here’s a few to get you started: Jesus is like a goalkeeper – he saves. The Trinity is like the offside rule – no one really understands it, but it’s really important. The Holy Spirit is like the Spanish philosophy on football – you may not be able to tangibly see it, but you feel its effects everywhere.
3. Play some actual football
If you’ve ever watched Wimbledon, you’ll have realised that watching a sport gives you an urge to play it, irrespective of any talent shortages. Games will be popping up all over the place this summer and it’s the perfect opportunity for some detached work. Grab some water, jumpers (for goalposts) and a ball and head down the park.
4. Get a wall chart and sticker book
Is there anything more World Cup than filling in a wall chart as results go along? Yes, there is: sticker books. Grab an album, collect stickers and swap with all the other rabid collectors in your life. What? You’re over the age of 11? Never mind then…
5. Guest speakers
One of the highlights of the World Cup is seeing churches scramble to secure anyone with a vague footballing connection to speak at a guest service. While England striker and man of faith Daniel Sturridge may be out of reach, Gavin Peacock is normally available.
